Thursday, March 10, 2011

My Big Anti-Style Moment — Part 2

“What are you looking at? You’ve never seen a hypocrite before?” —Leonard, The Big Bang Theory

Stick Before...
I left off with me owning up to facing the knocking at the door...

To circumvent the drama of the madly barking dog, I ventured out the side door. And because it's snake season I grab my walking stick. And because just yesterday I broke my nice, slim snake-beatin’ stick, I temporarily replaced it with a stick that is less stick and more gnarled, thick, heavy branch as in the there-was-a-crooked-man nursery rhyme.
And, after.

The not-one-but-two well-dressed, articulate, handsome gentlemen both took an involuntary step back as I rounded the corner. Regaining their composure they informed me they were here to take a water sample (this happens twice a year—my slowpoke calculations eventually determined that’s about that time). 
Not actually them, but you get the idea...

Of course there is an issue so I walk with them in their fancy khakis and ties, me a paint-and-banana-splattered-croc-wearing-branch-wielding hillbilly trying not to smile because all I can think is.....I ate kiwi with the skin on!!! I can feel fur and seeds stuck to my pearlies.

After much back and forth the mission is deemed unsuccessful and duo will return on Monday.

You know what’s going to happen, right? I don’t care if I wake up with a goiter and tubuerculosis.....I am going to look FABULOUS. I will hire a team if I have to but I will open the door glowing. And I will walk with them, across the gravel driveway and into the weedy, snake-infested meadow in kitten heels and pearls (I’m not really a pearl girl, but you get the point). 

I need to read my own blog and take my own is an absolute necessity to look your very best every day even if your headache tells you otherwise. In fact, look for a TOP TEN on this very topic.

1 comment:

  1. HA! This is the best post eveah!! You are hilarious!! And I can't believe you ate kiwi skin...on purpose? I didn't know you could eat the fuzzy...yuck! Hope you dazzle them with your prom dress and pearls!